No quiero

From an e-mail exchange with a friend tonight, in which we were discussing the latest idiotic Joe Morganisms (but, I repeat myself) present on tonight's Sox-Yankees game.

Chris:

> Which of course, drives me just about as nuts as the new taco bell
> commercial "It's wrapped in a tortilla and grilled for maximum
> portability." No, grilling does not increase a food item's portability.

Me:

In fact, I would argue that it decreases it, rendering it uncomfortably hot, and furthermore, full of disfiguringly hot cheese goo.

Believe it or not, I had managed to avoid Taco Bell my ENTIRE LIFE until a month ago. What great occasion, you ask, led to me breaking the fast food culture barrier and eating """""Mexican food""""" (yes, it requires that many "finger quotations")? My 30th birthday celebration at work. AT WORK.

Now, let us forget for the moment that it was a birthday celebration, and that a lesser man would have taken the stapler to the forehead of the people responsible for buying him craptacular, runs-inducing, lukewarm, flattened and slightly mushy fast food for his birthday celebration. Let us instead focus on the fact that among the six people in my office at the time, we had three (3) Cubans, one (1) Puerto Rican, one (1) Ecuadorian, and me. That is to say, the Hispanic:Nonhispanic ratio of my office is 5:1. And yet they get TACO F*&^ING BELL for me. Have they no Hispanic pride? No confidence in the food of their own people, that forces them to purchase inferior imitation Hispanic food that will induce explosive intestinal reactions among all present, regardless of their particular intestines' fortitude in dealing with the food of their own people?

Let's just say that I left silent but deadly offerings all around the office as thanks for my savory luncheon.